14 days to go and so much left to do. My hope is that my mom being up here will result in a whirlwind of activity that includes getting everything done. It took me an entire day to go through all of my clothes, now I have 2 bags of giveaway, 1 bag of toss, and the rest that I am keeping. My goals have NOT been met as of now. I am wondering how it is all going to get done. I have no energy and I think it is the fault of this diet I am on. 500 calories a day is just not enough to be able to do everything I have to do which includes moving the fridge and stove in the kitchen to clean, doing a LOT of deep cleaning in my house, sorting, packing, scrubbing, shipping, etc etc. I forgot how difficult it was just to move let alone leave.
My mom is planning on being up here for 9 days. My patience with my family has a shelf life of 48 hours tops. I don't know how I am going to do it except to remember she wants to spend time with me before I go for good. She loves me in her own convoluted way. It makes me wonder if motherlove or familylove is so difficult for everyone or if there is something wrong with me. My family doesn't bring me the joy and love that I would expect they would, the joy and love and peace I find with my friends and their families. It begs the question of whether it is something that is actually wrong with me or if there is something fundamentally wrong with my family, like a sickness that just doesn't ever get better.
Ix Mox Nix I suppose. I will get through it like I have gotten through everything else. Put the unanswerable questions on the back shelf and let them gather the dust they so deserve. I do love my family I just have no patience with them in all honesty.
This whole thing is so emotional for me even though I am the least emotional person that I know. I never thought it would be this hard to leave. I have always wanted to leave, have no regrets about leaving but still... it is difficult. People keep telling me how brave I am to just up and go with no clear plan, but that is what I have always done, just gone on about my merry way with no plan. I learned early on that plans are made only to be broken, life doesn't work out the way that you want it to and the older you get the more difficult it is to get back on track.
Time to get back to work I suppose, this is the worst of it, these last two weeks, then things will get better, they usually do.
IMHO, families are vastly overrated as a source of love, support, understanding, and friendship. Or as Tennessee Williams once put it in a play, "I have always depended upon the kindness of strangers...."
ReplyDelete(Not sure what he might have said about diets, but I think it would be understandable if you decided to cut yourself some slack until after your move.)
*Hugs!*