Naughty or Nice?

So here, in the rain, with naught else to do but think I suppose it is inevitable that my thoughts would eventually turn inward. The question today is why I feel the necessity to keep two online diaries, several handwritten diaries, and countless writings on my computer. I have to wonder what I have to say that is so all-fired important and that is a question I honestly cannot answer. I don't know what I feel like I have to say, maybe that is the reason I write so often and so much. I am trying to find my voice, the one thing I have to say that no one else has said before. Unfortunately I am finding that much of what I have to say and all of my speculations have been said or speculated on before in one way or another.

I have also found that I have a tendency to be whiny, which is a failing IMHO. I don't like to be whiny and certainly don't want people reading my writings to think that I am asking for them to sympathize with me or give me any sort of pity. I am generally capable of working out my own problems.

I can only hope that someone, somewhere will be lucky enough to learn what not to do from what I write. I have calmed as I have grown older and I am happy with that, I appreciate my own maturity and the struggles I have gone through in order to obtain it. There isn't anything that has happened to me that hasn't contributed to the person I am today. I am pleased with who I am for the most part however, in the words of one of my supervisors, "I don't want to give you high marks in everything because I don't want you to think you can't improve".

With X-Mas around the corner I suppose some introspection is required if only to determine my levels of naughtiness vs niceness. All in all I think I have been much more nice this year than I was last year, I haven't left any broken hearts or hurt feelings behind I don't think. I keep forgetting X-Mas is on it's way mostly because of the lack of snow here. I am not used to it after 26 years of snow on X-Mas.

So this is my introspection for the day, all in all I feel I have been more nice than naughty... and even my naughtiness is nice to someone. ;) Merry X-Mas everyone!